


Upset

by ElderWhizzerBrown



Series: I tried to think up a name for this verse but I’m stupid as fuck give a bitch a break [2]
Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Study, Gen, i don't ship them at all but i thought it was an interesting dynamic, teenagers partying woot woot, trans hanschen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 05:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20652284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElderWhizzerBrown/pseuds/ElderWhizzerBrown
Summary: Both had spent the past week upset. Neither were drunk, but they were both upset, the kind of upset that leaves you balled up on the bathroom floor, and so theywerecertainly intoxicated.





	Upset

**Author's Note:**

> *emerges from my hole, drops this, and then fucks off back into the void*
> 
> It's been a rough couple of months, sorry for leaving without warning. I'll update That Silver Magic as soon as I can, but for now take this.

Little known fact: neither of them was drunk, though with such an unlikely pair you’d assume they would be. No, neither of them were huge on drinking. Weed? Yes, but not drinking (at least in Ilse’s case) 

Both had spent the past week upset. Neither were drunk, but they were both upset, the kind of upset that leaves you balled up on the bathroom floor, and so they _ were _ certainly intoxicated.

Hans was upset at himself. He was upset that he couldn’t _ talk _ to _ anyone, _at least let someone know. He was upset that he didn’t know how to make friends he could tell instead of acquaintances. He was upset at himself.

Ilse was upset at the world. She was upset that her father was demanding partial custody again. She was upset that her mom would never understand if she knew her daughter liked girls. She was upset at the world. 

Closets are the place where every teen drama hookup takes place, so it’s only fitting that’s where they both were. 

Hans had headphones on, sitting alone in the only room at the house that didn’t have teens everywhere. He had his eyes closed and his legs drawn up to his chest. He didn’t wanna go home, because he had to make some memories, dammit, but he didn’t wanna stay cuz everything was loud and bright and altogether too much for an introvert masquerading as an extrovert.

Ilse was looking for a bathroom. It wasn’t that she _ needed _a bathroom, per se, but she needed time away from her friends and that was harder to say than “one sec, I gotta pee.”

She saw him there and tapped him on the shoulder without thinking. Why had she done it? Because he was there and because she was upset and he seemed upset too. Misery loves company, especially when it doesn’t have to create it.

He pulled his headphones off and opened his eyes. She had long blond hair hanging over her face. He thought she looked like a daisy.

She thought he looked like a puppy, so innocent at that moment, completely unlike the person she knew. “Heidi? What are you doing way over here?”

Hans shrugged. “Got bored.”

“Me too.” Ilse sat down. 

They didn’t speak for a bit. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Hans listened to the faint music from the party. Ilse picked at her chipping black nail polish. They enjoyed the other’s company without a word. 

“I’m upset, you know,” Hans finally said.

“Do tell.”

“Don’t wanna. Just thought you outta know.”

“Alright. Me too. For the record, it’s cause my parents suck.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ilse tucked her hair behind her ear. She cursed quietly, wishing for the thousandth time she could just shave it off for once. Or maybe just something like Hans’ style, about to his ears. “Happens to the best of us.”

Silence again.

“I feel like I can’t talk to anyone,” Hans said it so quietly that Ilse almost thought he was talking to himself.

She nodded. “Yeah. Everyone’s just either way too old or you don’t know them well enough.”

“And when you do find the right person, your tongue freezes up-“

“And you can’t get the words out-“

“And so you never end up telling anyone.” 

They made eye contact for the first time since Ilse sat down. “You’re really pretty, Heidi. I love your eyes.” 

Hans winced. “I’m not pretty.” He habitually yanked the front of his shirt forward, adjusting it against the layered sports bras he wore. 

“Yeah, you are.” Ilse laughed. “You know, I don’t think we’ve ever talked one on one before. You have a bit more to you than you let on.”

Hans smiled wryly. If she only knew. “I suppose I do. Thanks, by the way. You…” he trailed off, looking at her. She _ was _pretty. Not just the hair, but the curve of her jaw, and the outfit she wore, a white tank top with a bomber jacket. He wondered how she meant that compliment. “You’re pretty too.”

Ilse smiled with her mouth and not her eyes. “Thanks.” She wished she could believe him.

This silence was longer than the others, but halfway through, Hans found himself with his head on her shoulder. 

Before the silence had ended, Ilse leaned over and kissed Hans. He kissed back. 

That’s not where the tale ends, but that’s where they stopped being upset for the night.

—

Ilse was floating and Hans was sinking. 

Ilse was floating because for the first time, she’d told someone her secret. “I’m a lesbian,” she’d said in the middle of the night to Hans, while their bodies were pressed tightly together under the covers. And now, she felt like she could do anything. She could tell everyone because she had Heidi and Heidi might even wanna be her girlfriend.

Hans was sinking because of Ilse’s words. She’d thought of him as Heidi the whole time. He’d known she would, but it had been jarring when she whispered that. He’d stopped his own plans to tell her his secret, that he was a boy, because how was he supposed to tell her after that? He felt guilt deep in his stomach at the notion. 

On school on Monday, she held his hand. On Tuesday, they kissed under the stairs. On Wednesday, Melchior asked him about it, which must mean the whole school knew if it got back to _ Melchior_.

On Thursday, he forced himself to tell her. She told him, after all. The least he could do is return the favor.

He pulled her aside with no preamble, first time he saw her that day. “I’m trans,” he said, voice above a whisper but just hardly. “I’m a boy and I’m so sorry that you’ve thought you were dating a girl but-“

“Heidi?”

He started crying. Oh fuck, he hated himself. Of course he did. “I’m so _ so _sorry. I’ve been manipulating you and you don’t deserve that, I’m just awful, please don’t tell anyone yet, please, I-“

“Heidi, I’m not mad.”

He sniffed. “You’re not?”

Ilse looked at him with a smile. “A secret for a secret? Fair trade. You were here for me, I’m here for you, Heidi.” She noticed how he flinched. “Oh, would you prefer something else? Sorry.”

“Hans?”

“Hans it is.”

They hugged. 

Later, they would get pestered over what had happened to their brief relationship, but they never told anyone the story, even after Hans came out a month later. 

It’s an unremarkable tale, really. Two intoxicated kids hook up at a party but decide not to continue their relationship. Insignificant, but not to them. Not at all.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed!


End file.
